FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

I think i've been telling myself that i need to focus on my shit for the past...2 years. I personally feel like i'm not. I'm not focused enough where i'm taking the extra time to learn new things and understand concepts (cooking related of course). Yes i need to take things in moderation and also enjoy some fun in my life, but instead of coming home and reading the two books (that have been sitting in my closet for sometime) i rather go on facebook, twitter or some stupid thing online, idk maybe porn. /shrug. i'm a guy, get over it. ANYWAYs, I know my goals. Graduate school, get a good job, start planning my life for the next 5 years. Ideally i really do want to open a food truck. I've been concepting a lot of ideas about what i could do. I need to find that..."spark". But, i honestly want to wait for the lunch truck thing for next year, still have to figure out if i want to do it in hawaii or in the mainland...or even at all.

I didn't get to post last night because i was just way exhausted. School from 7 to 1 then Work till 11ish and then i went to Home till about 1. Yeah i didn't need to go home but it's nice to wine down and just relax. Basically went to eat food and just relax, no drinking needed. Got home and crashed. Work was pretty intense that night. I had to run "solo" on my station but i still ended up getting help from my trainer. Working pantry is a lot more frustrating because well...desserts of course : ) I guess having to do both is frustrating but i'll get better at it. After a quick debrief with my chef i got a better understanding of priorities. Wasn't anything like today though.

Tonight was just downright way to crazy. A night of long tables and everyone ordering food. I pretty much have the savory side of my station down but of course everyone has a pet peeve thing that they hate making. For me it's shucking oysters. I LOVE oysters but i hate making them. Tonight i shucked about 50. It was a little ridiculous. And having big tables are just terrible because everyone wants something! I got fucked up early, 2 big tables of fail. One table: 24 Oysters, 2 Half Caesars and a Sea Plate (Smoked Salmon, Ahi Sashimi, Oysters and Crab Namasu). The Other: 7 Half Mesclun salads and 2 Full Caesar Salads. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever shucked oysters but they're just not fun to do at all! Especially when you have to do so much. I had to ask for help because i would just be fucking in the shitter if i had to do everything at one time...and well i was actually. And it's not like a fucking mom and pop shop where you can just whip it on a plate and serve. It's fucking delicate shit and everything has a garnish (Thank GOD i prepped good...sorta).

After those couple of long terrifying tables, i started to have dessert orders. First one to come in had 8 -_-. Not even half way through with that i get 2 more tickets for Desserts and then Appetizers. Again i had to ask for help. I get frustrated at myself when i have to ask for help because i feel like i just plain suck when i do. I need to step the fuck up and release my inner beast which i haven't even seen for 2 years. I'm not cooking the way i used to and i just don't know why. Oh, did mention i shaved my finger? Halfway through my prep my knife sliced the knuckle of my finger. Thankfully it was just...skin? Like if you were sunburnt and your skin peeled, Super minor. OH AND YOU WANNA KNOW THE MOST FUCKING IRRITATING SHIT ABOUT MY JOB. Well not so much anymore since i kinda got it but, Making a mini piping bag out of parchment and loading that with melted chocolate. Basically its a thing you can write with chocolate for people's birthdays and anniversaries. I HATE IT cause i'm just not so good at it. And today one of my bags bursted on me and was just chocolate all on my hand, very sad panda...

So Focus... i just need to focus on my shit right now. When i'm at work i need to focus on putting awesome quality work out and be proud of it. I can't let shit bother me and cloud my brain. Wanna know what the fuck is on my mind? Baking Class, How Kissaten is failing right now, My health and of course my social/love life. I am one to over think things a lot or just keep constantly thinking about things when i really don't need to. I kinda wish i didn't...Focus...Only if i could.

For now i need to head off and head to sleep. Wake up early, watch Street League Finals and go into work early and prep because I can't be where i was today again...