It's been a long fucking while.

Just like the title says, It's been a long fucking while since i updated this shit. I've given myself the excuse that i never had time but in all reality i was just lazy. Looking back on these posts i laugh a little because it was when i was just starting out at my job. Look at me now, it's 9 months later and i feel like i'm the shit. But unfortunately i'm not. I'm still a pantry cook but hey thats great. Do what you can do and do it as best as you can. How about a little update. Officially graduated culinary school, working 3 total jobs at about 80 hours a week working 7 days a week. Yup, that's me in a nutshell. Overworked and i just don't know what to do. Honestly, i'm fine. I work a lot but i feel like my body's used to it. I could take a day off but i tried that and i was bored out of my mind. I think i had a whole monday off once and i just didn't know what to do. Normally my monday is go work at like 930 and end at 5 and just eat after. Eat Eat Eat...its really all i do...that and work. Ahh this blog is going nowhere. Anyways. Yeah.

 3 jobs all cooking and i fucking love it. But then why is it i'm so depressed and i just can't sleep. Is it the fact that i still play dota and maybe can't sleep because of it? I just don't know why. My mind is always racing as i have a million different things on my mind. From how to improve my cooking to where am i going to move to to when the fuck am i going to get laid etc etc etc. Random shit, unimportant shit and shit that i really need to focus on. Little shit irritates me and sometimes i honestly feeling like i'm going to go crazy and something bad would eventually happen from that but hey lets not think like that. This past Saturday i felt like shit beyond shit. I get off of work and race home to shower so i can meet up with some friends who i haven't really seen or hung out with for awhile so i always try to see then when i can. i ALWAYS fucking sacrifice myself, my sleep and rest to make an effort to fucking show up and see people. I don't think i'm going to really do that to much anymore. Anyways, i meet up with my friends and i don't really even get a hi brandon, or a hey. My best friend says hi and shit but thats about it. EVeryones to busy with their conversation which is completely fine cause its a pretty interesting one which i'm fine with. My friend offers to get me a drink but i'm good. Wasn't really in the mood to drink or eat, just wanted to relax and hang out. That was not the fucking case. Apparently me not ordering a drink or not ordering food becomes my friend asking me, why am i here? i mean, FUCKING REALLY. All i want to do is see my friends, hang out. Who the FUCK CARES if i eat or drink. fuck that shit. I was so irritated and piss when i heard that, i just wanted to stand up and leave. But i just sucked it up and stayed. BAsically sat there for a good while, had some conversations and left. I went home and when i woke up the next day i was still irritated. IT bothered me till when i finished work and UGH was just fucking pissed. /endrant

. In the past month i've met some fun people. I met a girl that i instantly fell in love with and eventually she became a bro. It fucking sucks but you just have to get over it and deal with it. I need to find that balance between friendship and "friendship" and understand that i don't have to fucking hit on everything that has boobs and ass. Any slight interest or attention that i get is just them saying hi, not saying, HI BRANDON LETS BE OMG BOYFREINDGIRLFRIEND. who the fuck am i kidding though, thats how i fucking. Attention is something i love and crave. Whenever i get it from the opposite sex it just makes me happy. fatmansyndrome.


 What the fuck is this blog going to. Meh. But yeah. IN a nutshell that's life. I'm stressed because i make myself stress over things, I'm still lonely and depressed because i miss that fucking feeling of just having someone there to always talk to and cuddle with. My friends are just fucking Dbags and i probably won't hang out with them for a couple weeks just so i can get my head on straight and work is fucking awesome! Were finally changing the menu at one of my jobs and i'm pretty exceited for it. The desserts not so much but meh nothing i can do. Maybe i work so much so i don't really have to face the reality of life and shit....maybe....Anyways. i'm tired of writing , i'll up date it more later and probably talk about this fucking catering thin. Ahhh much better. Bye : )andidkwhothefuckreadsthisbutidontgiveafuck!

Slacking.

I am definitely slacking when it comes to this blog so i am definitely sorry for that! To be honest i start these with a title and i just end up not doing anything about it. I blame it on...lazziness and just being straight tired from school and work. Actually i take that back, i've actually been sick somewhat this past week. I had sty eye for a few days and it kinda sucked. On wednesday i didn't even go to school because my eye was practically closed. sad day : (

Anyways, this past week it wasn't actually that busy at work. Tuesday was pretty steady but Wednesday and thursday was just straight up slow and that wasn't so fun. I managed my station easily but for some reason i still get fucked over with the desserts and i needed help. Just takes time i guess...more time then i really want though. It's frustrating for me because i know i can do better, i know i'm faster then what i'm showing yet i'm still fucking slow. I fucking hate it. I mean i guess sometimes i'm just to hard on myself but i really feel like i'm not. UGH! i just need to start fucking beasting it up and do work.

Anyways, Friday i was off. It was pretty awesome. After school hung out with some friends, went shopping a little and ended up going to Side Street Kapahulu. The food there has gone down a lot. It was pretty sad unfortunately. The fried Rice was alright, pork chops and garlic chicken were good though. The Rib Eye was good but really small in my opinion. The buzzkill i got was we ordered Ahi Poke and Fried Noodles and it was just not good at all. The Poke was pretty rancid and the Fried Noodles was bland and boring : ( I still had some wonderful Guiness, i guess thats the best part : )

Saturday was hellllll. Holy crap. Last saturday was nothing compared to this week. 115+ covers ahh! It was just nuts. I had a good start but the fucking oysters just killed me again. I actually cut my finger on an oyster and that was a bad moment too. Had to take a few minutes to clean and bandage myself. Just so irritating! AHH! Oh maybe i should talk about what i did before work. Hung out with a friend at the new Ala Moana Farmers market! (saturdays @9am). I'm pretty happy that the market at an hour where i don't have to worry about waking up to early! I wish there were more produce vendors though.... Hopefully it gets bigger!

After the market i headed over to the Okinawan festival and it was fun! I haven't been to one in like 8 years haha. Best part of it is that i found parking in like 8 seconds of looking haha. The food was good but not as good as i remember. The Andi-Dog was my favorite! So good!! : )

Mm, well after work went out..just like every saturday. This time to the LOFT! I felt out of place, pants and a tshirt in a place where everyones in "club clothes" I didn't care. Just give me some beer and i'm happy. Beer + food = happy Brandon. After there went to Zippys and thats always a good thing. Always makes me happier when i see some people bwahahaha.

Today (sunday) was a pretty rough day at work. It started off that i woke up really late and i couldn't go in as early as i wanted to prep. Wasn't as bad as saturday, i felt like i did a good job handling it so i guess it's okay? I'm still frustrated at how slow i'm being. BLAH

a bunch of rambling on this blog...tomorrows a new day, full of food : ) Then back to work and school on tuesday! yay.

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS

I think i've been telling myself that i need to focus on my shit for the past...2 years. I personally feel like i'm not. I'm not focused enough where i'm taking the extra time to learn new things and understand concepts (cooking related of course). Yes i need to take things in moderation and also enjoy some fun in my life, but instead of coming home and reading the two books (that have been sitting in my closet for sometime) i rather go on facebook, twitter or some stupid thing online, idk maybe porn. /shrug. i'm a guy, get over it. ANYWAYs, I know my goals. Graduate school, get a good job, start planning my life for the next 5 years. Ideally i really do want to open a food truck. I've been concepting a lot of ideas about what i could do. I need to find that..."spark". But, i honestly want to wait for the lunch truck thing for next year, still have to figure out if i want to do it in hawaii or in the mainland...or even at all.

I didn't get to post last night because i was just way exhausted. School from 7 to 1 then Work till 11ish and then i went to Home till about 1. Yeah i didn't need to go home but it's nice to wine down and just relax. Basically went to eat food and just relax, no drinking needed. Got home and crashed. Work was pretty intense that night. I had to run "solo" on my station but i still ended up getting help from my trainer. Working pantry is a lot more frustrating because well...desserts of course : ) I guess having to do both is frustrating but i'll get better at it. After a quick debrief with my chef i got a better understanding of priorities. Wasn't anything like today though.

Tonight was just downright way to crazy. A night of long tables and everyone ordering food. I pretty much have the savory side of my station down but of course everyone has a pet peeve thing that they hate making. For me it's shucking oysters. I LOVE oysters but i hate making them. Tonight i shucked about 50. It was a little ridiculous. And having big tables are just terrible because everyone wants something! I got fucked up early, 2 big tables of fail. One table: 24 Oysters, 2 Half Caesars and a Sea Plate (Smoked Salmon, Ahi Sashimi, Oysters and Crab Namasu). The Other: 7 Half Mesclun salads and 2 Full Caesar Salads. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever shucked oysters but they're just not fun to do at all! Especially when you have to do so much. I had to ask for help because i would just be fucking in the shitter if i had to do everything at one time...and well i was actually. And it's not like a fucking mom and pop shop where you can just whip it on a plate and serve. It's fucking delicate shit and everything has a garnish (Thank GOD i prepped good...sorta).

After those couple of long terrifying tables, i started to have dessert orders. First one to come in had 8 -_-. Not even half way through with that i get 2 more tickets for Desserts and then Appetizers. Again i had to ask for help. I get frustrated at myself when i have to ask for help because i feel like i just plain suck when i do. I need to step the fuck up and release my inner beast which i haven't even seen for 2 years. I'm not cooking the way i used to and i just don't know why. Oh, did mention i shaved my finger? Halfway through my prep my knife sliced the knuckle of my finger. Thankfully it was just...skin? Like if you were sunburnt and your skin peeled, Super minor. OH AND YOU WANNA KNOW THE MOST FUCKING IRRITATING SHIT ABOUT MY JOB. Well not so much anymore since i kinda got it but, Making a mini piping bag out of parchment and loading that with melted chocolate. Basically its a thing you can write with chocolate for people's birthdays and anniversaries. I HATE IT cause i'm just not so good at it. And today one of my bags bursted on me and was just chocolate all on my hand, very sad panda...

So Focus... i just need to focus on my shit right now. When i'm at work i need to focus on putting awesome quality work out and be proud of it. I can't let shit bother me and cloud my brain. Wanna know what the fuck is on my mind? Baking Class, How Kissaten is failing right now, My health and of course my social/love life. I am one to over think things a lot or just keep constantly thinking about things when i really don't need to. I kinda wish i didn't...Focus...Only if i could.

For now i need to head off and head to sleep. Wake up early, watch Street League Finals and go into work early and prep because I can't be where i was today again...

Fun Day?

I woke up today waking up from an awesome dream. It was one of those dreams that you wish came true. Unfortunately for me, those dreams fuck my life up. Kinda. From the past i realized if i had dreams like that i would just forget about it and not do anything about it, so i did.

School, fun as always. We did more things today, sorta. Well not really, just more demos and my group got to make biscuits. Not exactly the easiest thing -_-. The freaking dough just sticks to your hand and it just becomes a sticky mess. Gotta practice more since it's on the final >_< I wish baking started at 8 instead of 7. I don't really have a hard time waking up but staying awake during class is something i'm kinda bad at. Just gotta get used to it i guess.

Work was actually pretty fun today. I got to run most of the pantry side by myself today with just my trainer overseeing me. I thought i did a pretty awesome job. I kinda shocked myself since i though this scale of food would be a lot harder but it's not so bad...I just need to get more comfortable with the fucking desserts -_- anyone have tips for piping words with ganache? SHIT IS WAY TO HARD, seriously. UGH
Tomorrow will be fun though, i get to fully handle the station by myself! Why is it fun? Cause, i love being stressed and running around, it's just fun. AND TOMORROW IS FRIDAY, no school on saturday!!!!! but i have a doctors apt at 8 -_-. Man, its late....1 AM. Guess it's time to go sleep? well see.

Till tomorrow night : )

Fuck Desserts.

New Challenges in life are Challenging? Not having to work for a week has set me back..i think. I'm used to working till 10PM usually later then waking up at a decent time, let's say like 8 and repeating the process day in and day out. Last week all i did was relax and basically marinate in my computer chair as i tweaked out on the most ridiculous addicting game in the world. Now i have school everday pretty much at 7am for 6 hours, a short 1 hour break in between then go into work from 3pm to 10/11pm. Am i complaining? fuck no. I just need to get myself more adjusted to it. I've done this shit before. Though i was almost late for school today....

Hows school? Fun of course, aside from falling asleep well...almost falling asleep to lectures about gluten, bread and protein content, it was fun. Made some Banana Bread Muffins, measured out some dough and basically had fun. Well...i think it was fun. Baking is pretty interesting when you break it down to the science. Learning about protein builds and gluten and words that i have no idea how to pronounce are kinda fun. Learning "chemistry" i guess you could say. Makes me think about my roots back when i wanted to be a molecular gastromy geek. I think that ship has sailed far away for me. Anyways, i think when it comes to baking i'm actually really interested in doing...different baking. Learning about healthy baking and alternatives like, gluten free, using agave ipo Sugar, ETC. That's fun, that's different. And its creative!

After eating the baguette i made yesterday and had some thoughts...i thought about it and realized theres really no good bread shop. Yeah there Saints, or Fendu or local bakeries but like one that specializes in a fucking good bread, thats something we really don't have. I guess you could blame it on the stupid humidity we have here but i'm sure theres a way to pass it. It was funny, i used to always buy french bread from Safeway when it was so warm and hot and now i realize that's really not good bread. Good French bread, crispy and dry on the outside and the inside is still soft and delicious. Mmm....

Anyways, work....why else would i say FUCK DESSERTS as my title. I enjoy my new job so far, its fun, i'm learning quick and except for the occasional frontal male nudity, my coworkers are cool people. But man, fuck desserts.... Appetizers, salads all that aren't so bad but desserts are just a pain in the ass. Dealing with a drop of this sauce to hold something in place, 50 million different garnishes and sorbet/icecream that i can barely scoop out being placed on a freaking hot piece of cake that i need to make pretty without it melting is just frustrating sometimes. I never really had to do desserts before and now i'm like QQQQ to the max. I thought it was just getting nuts and i'm not talking about the dessert nuts. Tables after tables, and it wasn't just 1 a table! It was like 4 for this table, 2 for that table, 6 for this table 7 for that one. All non stop back to back. I can't wait for next week though, when i'm on my own i guess...if i'm on my own. It'd be more fun so i can finally unleash the beast.

Of course this last paragraph will talk about one of my favorite lunch trucks and well freaking favorite place to eat...Da ALA CART! It's seriously probably the smallest lunch wagon on this island but he just makes such great food. Kushiyaki, basically food on sticks and grilled to perfection. And when i mean perfection, i mean perfection. So good...I'm not gonna lie, i went for lunch and dinner : )

Well, thats enough..Its bed time.. till we meet again my bloggga

First Day of Many

Actual Date: Wednesday August 24
Time: 12:41 AM

I actually wanted to start this blog Monday (22nd) but i never got around to doing it. So i'm going to blog about today. Well i still consider today: Tuesday!

Waking up early in the morning isn't an easy task for me. I currently have 24 Alarms on my Android, Iphone and Alarm clock just to wake me up. From clocks starting at 4:45 to 6:00 AM. I have Class at 7 so ideally i would love to be up by 5:30. Gives me time to get ready and facebook? I ended up waking up at 5:45. Not to bad, showered, got ready and headed to school.

Currently i'm in my last semester of school and am pretty excited. I have an 8 week class, a class that meets only on mondays and an online class. The real shitty part is that i just realized about my online class and i have homework due this weekend. Bleh. Baking Class is fun yet extremely boring and tiring. WE often go into side stories and it just gets way to long. I started to fall asleep in my class, that was unfortunate. We made Baguettes, and they were pretty damn good. Bonus points i guess?! Getting out of class earlier is even more bonus points!

Next on the AGenda was lunch, sushi ichiban, udon. Finish.
And now comes probably the most important thing so far this year, me starting a new job. Getting my foot into fine dining and learning exactly what i'm getting myself into. I'm officially a Pantry cook at 3660 on the rise and today was my first day. I REALLY enjoyed it. Sure i have 12 items + 9 desserts to do by myself but the adrenaline and just chaos of how a kitchen line is brings me back and makes me love it. Not gonna lie though, it was pretty awkward at first. Typical first day for anyone,come in early, get told basic shit, read the menu and your supervisor runs away and you're like, well fuck what do i do now. The rest of the line is looking at me like i'm some fucking retard and i start to write notes..then rewrite the notes i wrote making it seem like im doing something. Then i started to read the menu, so much where i can recite it verbatim. Luckily my trainer arrived and i started to learn.

Talk about a good night to learn, it felt so dead but at some moments it was steady. I was able to learn waht i needed to learn and loved it. I basically got shit done, like any other beast would (joking..). I guess sometimes it really is good to break out of your shell and just do shit cause you know you need to.

Let's hope i can run it hard tomorrow, chee hoo.