Just like the title says, It's been a long fucking while since i updated this shit. I've given myself the excuse that i never had time but in all reality i was just lazy. Looking back on these posts i laugh a little because it was when i was just starting out at my job. Look at me now, it's 9 months later and i feel like i'm the shit. But unfortunately i'm not. I'm still a pantry cook but hey thats great. Do what you can do and do it as best as you can. How about a little update.
Officially graduated culinary school, working 3 total jobs at about 80 hours a week working 7 days a week. Yup, that's me in a nutshell. Overworked and i just don't know what to do. Honestly, i'm fine. I work a lot but i feel like my body's used to it. I could take a day off but i tried that and i was bored out of my mind. I think i had a whole monday off once and i just didn't know what to do. Normally my monday is go work at like 930 and end at 5 and just eat after. Eat Eat Eat...its really all i do...that and work. Ahh this blog is going nowhere. Anyways. Yeah.
3 jobs all cooking and i fucking love it. But then why is it i'm so depressed and i just can't sleep. Is it the fact that i still play dota and maybe can't sleep because of it? I just don't know why.
My mind is always racing as i have a million different things on my mind. From how to improve my cooking to where am i going to move to to when the fuck am i going to get laid etc etc etc. Random shit, unimportant shit and shit that i really need to focus on. Little shit irritates me and sometimes i honestly feeling like i'm going to go crazy and something bad would eventually happen from that but hey lets not think like that. This past Saturday i felt like shit beyond shit. I get off of work and race home to shower so i can meet up with some friends who i haven't really seen or hung out with for awhile so i always try to see then when i can. i ALWAYS fucking sacrifice myself, my sleep and rest to make an effort to fucking show up and see people. I don't think i'm going to really do that to much anymore. Anyways, i meet up with my friends and i don't really even get a hi brandon, or a hey. My best friend says hi and shit but thats about it. EVeryones to busy with their conversation which is completely fine cause its a pretty interesting one which i'm fine with. My friend offers to get me a drink but i'm good. Wasn't really in the mood to drink or eat, just wanted to relax and hang out. That was not the fucking case. Apparently me not ordering a drink or not ordering food becomes my friend asking me, why am i here? i mean, FUCKING REALLY. All i want to do is see my friends, hang out. Who the FUCK CARES if i eat or drink. fuck that shit. I was so irritated and piss when i heard that, i just wanted to stand up and leave. But i just sucked it up and stayed. BAsically sat there for a good while, had some conversations and left. I went home and when i woke up the next day i was still irritated. IT bothered me till when i finished work and UGH was just fucking pissed. /endrant
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In the past month i've met some fun people. I met a girl that i instantly fell in love with and eventually she became a bro. It fucking sucks but you just have to get over it and deal with it. I need to find that balance between friendship and "friendship" and understand that i don't have to fucking hit on everything that has boobs and ass. Any slight interest or attention that i get is just them saying hi, not saying, HI BRANDON LETS BE OMG BOYFREINDGIRLFRIEND. who the fuck am i kidding though, thats how i fucking. Attention is something i love and crave. Whenever i get it from the opposite sex it just makes me happy. fatmansyndrome.
What the fuck is this blog going to. Meh.
But yeah. IN a nutshell that's life. I'm stressed because i make myself stress over things, I'm still lonely and depressed because i miss that fucking feeling of just having someone there to always talk to and cuddle with. My friends are just fucking Dbags and i probably won't hang out with them for a couple weeks just so i can get my head on straight and work is fucking awesome! Were finally changing the menu at one of my jobs and i'm pretty exceited for it. The desserts not so much but meh nothing i can do. Maybe i work so much so i don't really have to face the reality of life and shit....maybe....Anyways. i'm tired of writing , i'll up date it more later and probably talk about this fucking catering thin. Ahhh much better. Bye : )andidkwhothefuckreadsthisbutidontgiveafuck!
